Questions to ponder while you enjoy your daily bowel movement:
- Is Dr. Margaret Leigh the dumbest person in America?
- Is Dr. Leigh the smartest person in America?
- Why did USA TODAY print her letter?
Dr. Leigh from South Dumbfuck, Utah believes that the problem with gay marriage is that it basically constitutes trademark infringement. You may think that Starbuck's coffee is just dark brown water or that Swarovksi Crystals are just old fashioned glass or paste rhinestones but they are actually prestigious brands that are supported by sophisticated integrated marketing programs and complex branding strategies born of Wharton School and Harvard MBA-trained brains and millions of dollars of sound investments.
Such is the case with marriage, a prestigious brand representing a right shoe and a left shoe and a strategic and delicate balance of masculine and feminine natures. To allow same sex marriage, no matter how femme the gay boy and no matter how butch the bull dyke threatens the integrity of the brand.
Dr. Leigh rightfully implies that even if the materials used in manufacture are identical, a Louis Vuitton Priscilla Multicolore Sac de Ville made in China and peddled on New York's Canal Street is not the same bag that was produced in France and sold on Paris' avenue Montaigne.
Same sex marriage threatens the very core of capitalism: branding. Generics and store brands are for the poor and communists, not red, white and blue Americans.
Oh, I know, you think I'm making this up.
Dr. Leigh's letter is second from the top entitled, "Two Left Shoes."
So while you were thinking that marriage equality is about civil rights, it's actually about trademark infringement.