IS MCGREEVEY GOOD FOR THE GAYS?

As the years pass, I realize more and more that I'm turning into my grandmother Lilly--not a bad metamorphosis for a gay man.  She was a stylish, clever and funny old Jewish broad with an eye for a young stud until the end.  I could do worse. 

This morning as I was catching up on the latest incarnations of the media feeding frenzy surrounding former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey's new book, "The Confession," I realized that there was only one relevant question; and it was my grandmother's universal question for virtually everything of social, political, cultural or religious import:  Is it good for the Jews?

Of course, in this case I wondered if it's good for the gays?

Indeed, McGreevey's story is a valuable guidebook for closeted men and likely anyone who is living a life of dishonesty and corruption, especially a politician, on what not to do .

But overall is McGreevey's new book and personal publicity campaign good for the gays?

Is McGreevey going on Oprah and the rest of his brand-building tour in order to apologize to all the people he's wronged, including the people of New Jersey and his family?   Will he be working to build sympathy and understanding for corrupt politicians and adulterers?  It will be interesting to watch this play out.

No one understands better than I the profound and pervasive dysfunctionality of closet life and the crazy and terrible thoughts and things such an existence engenders.  As most of my long-term readers know, I was married for 18 years, experienced my first consensual gay sex at the age of 40 and started the coming out process at that same time.  The time lapse between Claudio, my first man, and coming out to my wife was three months--the amount of time it took me to be able to say the truth out loud.  She was the first person I told.  We then worked together for several months preparing for the realities of this new world before I began to spread the gospel beyond the privacy of our own marriage.

So yes, technically I was an adulterer for three months and the dishonesty of that, even for such a short period of time, was soul-crushing.   I'm not going to pat myself on the back and wax poetically about my own courage in coming out; lord knows it took me long enough. But I would hope that the world stays focused on the fact that McGreevey's story is NOT a coming out story; rather it is an involuntary outing story born of political corruption and dishonesty.

McGreevey was forced out of the closet by blackmail and scandal. He did nothing noble and should be no one's hero.  And when Oprah hugs him and has her audience give him love on Tuesday, I suppose that will be the Christian thing to do.  But some of us will cringe.

Other than losing his job, what price has McGreevey paid for betraying his oath of office, for putting the people of New Jersey at risk for giving an important security post to an unqualified candidate in exchange for sexual favors?

He now lives with his multi-millionaire financier lover in a million dollar plus 17-room Georgian mansion in New Jersey and is quick becoming an A-List gay celebrity.  I don't begrudge him the good life, but I question why he needs our sympathy and national media attention.  I suspect there are other gay stories that need to be told and would better serve the needs of the gay community.

There are some in the gay community who are already praising McGreevey's courage and newfound honesty.  Some are even calling him a role model. And then there are many others in the gay community who are just reveling in the juicy gossip and enjoying a good sneer.

But the activist in me requires a critical look at the renewed McGreevey media frenzy and I must ask: Is this good for the gays?  I suppose time will tell. Our enemies will see promiscuity, incompetence, corruption, adultery, dishonesty, arrogance and exploitation.  Our friends will see the pain and suffering of the closet and the courage to come to terms with one's sins and misdeeds. Oprah will enjoy a huge bump in ratings.  McGreevey's publisher will enjoy a huge Oprah-driven spike in book sales.  And the gay community will be dragged through another episode of seedy, sleazy, shady dirt.

We owe it to ourselves and to America to aggressively question if "The Confession" is a valuable coming out story or just another self-serving apologia from a corrupt politician?

Comments

[Drew]

Well said.

[joey]

Its amazing the gay community is always ready to jump on someone who is trying to the right thing, under pressure or not.

[nyc324]

I am sure you have read this: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/18/nyregion/18cipel.html?_r=2&ref=nyregion&oref=login&oref=slogin
It will always be a he said/he said story with an innocent kid, who deserves better, caught in the middle.

[7]

Count me as another gay NJ resident that considers McGreevey’s “coming out” as not a brave and honorable act, but something done to save political face and to avoid the consequences of his less than honest actions. And by that, I dont mean cheating on his wife. I mean selling offices, getting kick-backs etc. Plain and simple, the man was a crook, his administration was plagued with scandals and there was no way he would have been re-elected to another term. The worst thing the gay community can do is hold him up as some sort of hero or role model. He is neither. Honestly, if it were not already taken, the best exit line he could use is, “You’re not going to have Jim McGreevey to kick around anymore”

[Michael Petrelis]

Jim McGreevy has much in common with Mary Cheney. Did Mary do anything significant when the rest of us were demonized by Bush and the GOP? Nope.

And I can't recall Jim helping the NJ gay community, while he was putting the moves on his underling.

But when the publishing the world comes knocking at the door with a fat check, both Mary and Jim are only too glad to take the money, then promote themselves in the media.

Let's hope the McGreevy book sinks as fast as Mary's book.

[dexxle]

i would seperate his identity into pieces...

first McGreevy the husband, he did wrong, to his wife. it's rotten to do that to his wife, not about lying about being gay, but cheating behind her back.

second, McGreevy the politician. here i think he is a victim. this is the aspect that he gained some sympathy from the public.

third, McGreevy the gay man. this is the side that he got sympathy from the gay community. nobody choose to stay in the closet. it was a case forced on many of us based on situations.

fourth, McGreevy the writer. i don't like this one. it's too soon to write a book. seem like it reflects the politician in him, opportunitist. he needs to do something for the community, for his wife, children, and continueing to show that he is a public person, not a politican. but is' only my opinion. a book without a scandal overheaded is a lot more inspirational to read.

.

[Lev Raphael]

Booksellers will tell you that Mary Cheney's book was a complete bomb. His book might do better, but I doubt it. Who's going to want to read it, even among gay readers and/or political junkies? He's a completely uninteresting politician, and his personal story of being closeted and in the public eye is hardly earth-shattering at this late date.
As a reviewer, I wouldn't even want a free copy.

[sarah klein]

Too bad McGreevey and Mary Cheney are not straight. They would make a great couple. Two total whores.

[David]

I remember as a kid always hearing, "is it good for the Jews?" Thanks for the flashback.

[circuitmouse]

After reading the 'gay is over' story and about McGreevey, I wonder if we shouldn't think about excommunicating some gays. When I used to volunteer at the LA County Jail's gay tank, they actually had a panel that would query inmates in advance of assignment to assure that they weren't straight boys hiding out from gang members or would-be predators of the gay inmates. I thought of this when I compared McGreevey's age and background to my own, and wondered how much of his resulting decision process was of his own free will, and how much of it was involuntary pre-conditioning. Since we can't do a Vulcan mind meld, we'll never fully know to what degree countless gays and lesbians are willing or unwilling accomplices to their own destiny. A final thought- if 'gay is over' then why are so many of 'em being murdered?

[Beth]

Folks seem rather un-forgiving and bitter that he should be so troubled and trapped that he lied TO HIMSELF for so long. Lies are like cancer, they chew you up inside, but no one curses those who die of malignant melanoma. Feel damned from youth and inclined to hide in hopes of finding some other way (and though I am glad I am gay I can honestly say there have been MANY TIMES I wished I was not, or knew it would become my sole identifier in certain groups and felt it was a burden) then there is no forgiveness. As a community we need to realize that we do not get to decide how other people assert their sexuality. And it might help to recognize that that level of self denial can cause mental ilness.

He is not my hero, but I can feel for someone who spent SO MANY YEARS HATING HIMSELF. And I did not have to apologize to the whole world for it. It would be nice if we allowed gay folks to be a frail and human as we expect the straights to be.

Part of being accepted by the rest is to be like the rest, human beings!

[Christopher King]

Really, REALLY good blog!!