The many nations around the globe with gender neutral public toilets must wonder at the American politicization of these ostensibly functional facilities. Initially designed to provide a convenient out-of-home facility for pooping, pissing, sanitary napkin replacement, hand washing and an occasional vomit, the American public restroom has become as dangerous as the Minotaur's Labyrinth, with evil New Jersey governors and United States Senators lurking behind every glory hole ready to pounce on unsuspecting young boys, and voracious trannies lusting after fragile females.
From airport toilets in Minneapolis to restaurant johns in Greenwich Village, our society is obsessed with the threat posed by public toilets to the safety and values of our nation.
Furthermore, we are convinced as a nation that people who use public toilets fall into two categories: criminals and victims. Sane Americans wait until they get home; or they wear Depends. And while women seem able to survive the hoots and howls of construction workers, heterosexual men incapable of a polite "no", require the vigilant surveillance of the police to protect them from the evil eye of the toilet dwelling queer.
A very masculine lesbian was tossed out of a women's room in a New York City restaurant because a security officer was convinced that her masculinity would offend the more feminine heterosexual women.
Police routinely stake out men's rooms around the country because homosexuals can't pull out their dicks to take a piss without needing to compulsively molest little boys and virginal straight men. (At 59, I'm happy if I can just empty my bladder in a reasonable amount of time.)
Transgender men on their way to womanhood are likely to revert to typical male behavior and rape female women's room patrons after they've slipped into the sanctum sanctorum in Lane Bryant camouflage.
A Christian law firm is now insisting that when a transgender man enters a women's room, it's an assault on Freedom of Religion.
Michigan's Thomas More Law firm is representing an alliance of Christians, Christian businesses and churches to ban transsexual men who are now living as women from women's bathrooms in businesses and public buildings.
In fact over 1,000 residents of Hamtramck, Michigan have signed a petition to place a referendum on this issue on the November ballot. Law firms and ballot measures; that's how seriously we take the dangers of a public piss.
"Radical homosexual activists have taken over city councils like Hamtramck all across the nation," Thomas More President and Chief Counsel Richard Thompson said in a statement. Allowing transgender Americans to use public facilities is simply another way to "bully and persecute Christians who faithfully practice their religion.
Thompson goes on to say that allowing transgender Americans to use whatever public toilet they choose to use is "bizarre behavior that would make any Communist regime envious."
Clearly, Americans see public toilets as very dangerous, sin-infested crime scenes waiting to happen. We assign police squads to go on undercover toilet assignment. We live in dread of transgender Americans turning into testosterone crazed rapists under the olfactory sway of estrogen laced female urine. And now we learn that having to share a public facility with a transgender American could destroy your right to worship God.
Europeans may even agree with us which would account for the reason so many public facilities throughout Europe use the gender neutral "toilet" signage rather than the polarizing and politicizing red capes of Damen und Herren.