CLARK KENT'S HEBREW NAME WAS KAL-EL

Among the many ancient Jewish traditions that have survived these many centuries,  Jewish parents traditionally bestow a "secret" Hebrew name on their children along with the child's legal name.  In my case for example, my Hebrew name is Aaron Shalom ben Elia.

Clark Kent's secret Hebrew name was Kal-El.  Yes, Superman was a passing Jew raised by a lovely gentile couple in a red state.

In The Beginning....

Jews are really good at invention.  And unlike many inventors with little business savvy, when we invent something we tend to retain control of the franchise.  Not always, but often.

We invented the law and now dominate the legal profession.  We invented psychiatry and you would be hard pressed to find a non-Jewish psychiatrist.  OK, we blew Monotheism when Jesus gave it away for free.  He was a hippie.

And communism...well...that got a little screwed up.  Marx meant it for industrialized Germany and Western Europe and somehow it got lost in the politics of that feudal agrarian mess called Russia.

We also invented comic book superheroes when Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel in 1933 joined the ranks of Moses, Jesus, Marx, Freud, Einstein and Levi Strauss and invented Superman aka Kal-El (which, for you illiterates living in the dark, is Hebrew for All God.)  But we almost lost that franchise as well, not counting some indirect and subtle references to Jewishness on the part of The Thing, born on the Lower East Side of New York, and Magneto, a Jewish survivor of Auschwitz.

So I was overcome with naches the other night when I accidentally channel surfed my way to the Cartoon Network and discovered the utterly tasteless and hysterically funny (at least once) MINORITEAM, the inappropriate minority version (minus, I noticed, The Fag) of the Justice League of America.

For those of you who already know about this, stop reading now.  But for most of you who, like me, tend not to tune into the Cartoon Network in the middle of the night, this will come as a surprise.

You can click here for a short episode of this new animation and learn the powers of each of these superheroes, powers that are based on stereotypes.  I promise you a very good time.

But what pleased me most was to discover, at long last, a real Jewish superhero--not one ashamed of his Jewishness like Kal-El but a proud crime-fighting Rabbi, Jewcano, an amazing superhero who combines "all the power of the Jewish faith with a volcano."  He's not just smart, he shoots lava-hot fire out of his super fists.

I'm not sure what happens if crime strikes after sundown on Friday-- but I suspect Dr. Wang, the crippled Chinese owner of a laundromat, who has a super-sized brain that works better than a calculator; Fasto, the mild-mannered African-American women's studies professor who turns into a rage-filled Black man who runs faster than the wind and has a huge dick that can satisfy a brothel full of Thai whores in under five minutes; El Jefe, a sombrero-wearing oil baron with a bionic leaf-blower and Non-Stop aka Dave Raj who has survived 235 attempted robberies at his family's convenience store and has thus developed a skin as thick as armor-- can survive until the Sabbath ends.

The villains...well...you know who they are. 

Comments

[taarzaan]

no one seems to remember Popeye's jewish roots, not to mention if Olive married him she'd be "Olive Eye" (say it)

[David]

Our Jewish names aren't "secret," they are seperate. Where did you get that from?

And I saw the promo for Minoriteam last night, I cannot WAIT!

David Michal ben Iliyachim ha-Levi

Richard comments: The "secret" was a superhero reference and a joke.

[David]

separate

Pardon me while I smack my head into this wall.

[Bourgeois Nerd]

And Jewcano's got one hot body, too!

[Myackie]

Taarzaan: do you remember that when Popeye would punch some animal (like a raging bull) that it would break apart and some of the pieces were marked with the kosher symbol?

Also..I think Betty Boop says a Yiddish word here and there. Or maybe I'm ferdrayt.