HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A HOMO SCORNED?

FOX, always vigilant when it comes to the gay scourge, is now reporting that Matthew Murray, the deeply troubled young man who shot and killed himself and members of Ted Haggard's New Life Church and the church's Youth With A Mission program was gay.

In fact, he may be a victim of the church's ex-gay reparative therapy program.  Having failed to find heterosexuality through Jesus it appears that Murray was booted out of the youth program and out of the church.  Crushed by this rejection and overwhelmed by rage and despair thanks to the curse of homosexuality, Murray went on a killing spree that ended with himself.

I would hope "and pray" that America's reaction to this would be a growing realization that homophobia--and Christian homophobia in particular--is a deep and pervasive poison in our society that does much harm to our culture, our spiritual and political health and the human spirit.

Murray's rage seems to have had several layers.  He was furious that the Church had forgiven Ted Haggard but not him.  He believed that he had done everything he was supposed to do according to New Life Church counselors but was still booted out for being queer.  And, perhaps most perfidious of all, Jesus had failed to cure him.

Betrayed by the Church and crushed by the curse of unholy same sex desires, Murray chose that most American of Constitutionally protected solutions to his life problems:  He purchased a small arsenal that included assault rifles and an assortment of semi-automatics and then he went on his All-American shooting spree.

We easily talk about the cost of homophobia in terms of teen suicide, substance abuse, shattered self-esteem and chronic depression, but we shy away from the impact homophobia may be having on all of us, not just troubled queers.

Is homophobia at the core of fascist politics, hate-based religion and much of the domestic violence that plagues the American family?

We badly need to more closely examine the pathology of homophobia and the closet as these onerous institutions drive men to an intense state of self-loathing, self-delusion and much harm to themselves and, it appears, to others.

Clearly, the neo-Republican party seems to have become an outlet for deeply disturbed gay men who seek salvation and release from their personal devils through the destruction of their own kind and even our democracy.  Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Karl Rove and perhaps even George W. Bush himself suggest a very ugly pattern.  How much of the negativity that poisons and permeates the national agenda is fueled by homophobia and pathologically self-loathing repressed gay men and women?

Police say Murray was motivated by revenge.

Revenge for what?  The answer seems to be in Murray's blogging, according to the FOX report.

After trying to "go all out for God" and failing, Murray wrote he fell into a deep depression.

Murray, 24, was dismissed from Youth With a Mission in 2002 for what the training center has described only as health reasons.

Last summer, he wrote, "People like us are going to go to hell, according to Christians." He lists several reasons why. Reason number seven is bluntly stated, "I'm bisexual." In other postings, Murray wrote, "... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."

And later, he wrote about confronting his mother about his bisexuality.

Murray wrote that he told her, "Using drugs, alcohol and having gay sex, I'm just trying to do what any Christian pastor would do. At least I'm not doing meth like Ted Haggard."

Murray also noted that the Church forgave Haggard.

He posted, "I want to know where was all the love, mercy and compassion for my supposed imperfections?"

As the deeply tragic story of Matthew Murray plays out in the weeks and months to come, these are all questions that must be explored and explored with wisdom and transparency by the gay and straight communities alike.  This is a deeply troubled land, driven by a political and religious climate of hate, fear, superstition and bigotry.  Homophobia may be a symptom or it may be a root cause, but in either case until homophobia is addressed intelligently, the Matthew Murrays and the Matthew Shepards of this nation will continue to add to a bloody and horrible body count. 

At least in Iran, the executions of gay men are swift.  In the United States we prefer to slowly drive our gay children insane so that they grow up to be monsters.

Comments

[alan]

At some point we have to ask just what the hell is going on in that church, and is it representative of all evangelical churches in the US?

You have the head guy (no kneepad jokes, please) getting caught with his pants down, and now a nutjob shoots up the place and blames it on the fact that the very Rev. Haggard got a free boy-doing pass from Jesus, but he didn't. This begins to smell like a bigger, more putrid mess than just another hypocrite televangelist.

And that woman in the sensible shoes who was packing heat at church, and claimed to have shot him dead but actually didn't, well, that ads a whole extra level of GBLT weirdness.

Maybe this will finally be the year the wheels completely come off the religious right's bandwagon.

[David Ehrenstein]

I was waiting for the other Prada slipper to drop -- and here it is!

Why isn't Anderson Cooper interviewing Ted Haggard on CNN right this minute?

[anon]

I'm not sure how you can be so confident about his state of mind.

There will always be losers who can't get a date, particularly str8 men with anger management issues--why is this guy not part of that crowd.

Mathew Shepard was a victim, not a perp. His killers were str8 and looking for an easy target for robbery.

Haggard was formally forgiven but had to give up his position and left town. In other words, he was kicked out too. However, the congregation was obviously so embarrassed about Haggard that they had to publicly support him to hide their shame--how could they forgive themselves otherwise?

Mark Foley was an alcoholic who like 'em young but did not seem particularly self-loathing or hypocritical compared to the likes of Larry Craig and others who still deny the obvious.

I think the fear is that gay=no sex with women, so str8 guys are paranoid about their chances if they were tagged with the label. Thus, the macho bravado prevails, guns and all.

[Alex]

Purchasing a gun and ammunition is American and protected by the 2nd ammendment of the Constitution which is an uniquely American document.

[Tony]

"At least in Iran, the executions of gay men are swift. In the United States we prefer to slowly drive our gay children insane so that they grow up to be monsters."

Amen, Brother!

[Ninja Pirate]

Murray wrote, "... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."

This guy could never hold a stable relationship. The only reason he was "gay" was because that's the only community where someone like himself could ease his biological urges in complete anonymity.

[Scot]

I just had to add one more creepy thing to this story. The woman who claimed she shot Matthew Murray was on the local news here in Colorado Springs AKA, the City of Brotherly Hate. She was recapping the incident and telling everyone how she prayed to god to help steady her hand. Apparently her god helps her kill people! How strange...I also wanted to thank you for having such a n astute writing style, you inspire me. Keep up the good work!

[Scot]

I just had to add one more creepy thing to this story. The woman who claimed she shot Matthew Murray was on the local news here in Colorado Springs AKA, the City of Brotherly Hate. She was recapping the incident and telling everyone how she prayed to god to help steady her hand. Apparently her god helps her kill people! How strange...I also wanted to thank you for having such a n astute writing style, you inspire me. Keep up the good work!

[Chad]

While the woman who shot Murray was praying for god to "steady her hand", another woman (interviewed on the Today Show on NBC) was praying that god would bring the gunman peace. Either god was really confused by all those conflicting prayers or he answered them all by bringing peace in the form of a bullet to the head.

However, seeeing as the Christian God knows the past, present and future with absolute certainty and is also all powerful, he not only knew what was going to happen in advance, he planned it. In that context, prayer seems somewhat irrelevant.

[alfredo]

A few more stories like this might make gay bashers think twice before they act. Personally, I think Matthew is a Hero. Yes, violence is never the right answer, but sometimes evolution just doesn't work fast enough with these evangelicals.

[Mark]

Nothing good comes from evangelical christianity. Sanctimonious religiosity of any kind is odious.

They perpetuate dysfunction by imposing the suppression of reality.

[Pecos Bill]

Papers are saying now that he killed himself. I guess "God" steadied her hand but as she failed to ask for aim, he didn't bother. She did manage to hit him twice in the thigh and once in the wrist. cf. Denver Post.

[Jeff Barea]

Yet again there is some bizarre explanation.

Rejection, anger, ex-gay, money - THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR MURDER!

What problem do you have with that?

Sure, everyone can understand the frustration of being dumped, being misled, being whatever.

There is NEVER an excuse for murder - and those who have fought for hate crimes laws should NEVER act as if there is any, and by providing any reasoning behind murder you are doing that, justification for murder.

Christians spit on you because you are bi or gay, suck it up. Murder IS NEVER an option.

So stop being hypocritical by claiming murder because someone is gay should be punished harder and then rationalizing and apologizing or "understanding" murder of anti-gay christians.

PERIOD!

[edweird]

It's interesting how quickly the Media have stopped reporting on this one. CNN would rather talk about "Drew Peterson" 24/7 and other insignificant crap. Stories like this always seem to get buried.

[edweird]

Hey Jeff I don't think anyone is excusing these murders. They are trying to explain the "motive" for the killings. It's a shame that this ex-gay shit is offered as a solution for those coming to terms with their sexuality. It's not easy being told that you are doomed to "eternal damnation" for "choosing to be queer."

[taylor Siluwé]

anon ... Yes Matthew Shepard was a "victim not a perp", and yes his assailants were looking for an easy target to rob. But does that explain his brutal murder? No. They'd already robbed him. He was murdered because of an innate belief that 'fags' are bad and they don't matter. It was his very being they loathed. Matthew Murray was clearly dealing with the same loathing.

The ex-gay movement; homophobic religious leaders; sanctimonius Christians who say 'love the sinner but hate the sin' -- while at the same time saying sex with one you're not married to is a sin and yet forbidding us the right to participate in that holy union -- all conspire to feed this innate belief and thus inspire the violence that ensues. Their archiac beliefs and insistence on bestowing their view of morality on society make them as guilty as if they'd put the gun in his hand.

I feel sorry for the families of the dead, but I hope they take this as a wake up call. I doubt it though. Sadly, its just another reason for them to despise gay people even more.