SIR, YOUR PENIS MAY BE A DANGER TO THE OTHER PASSENGERS

Human rights groups are not happy with new high-tech airport scanners that are currently being installed in 10 major U.S. airports and will be rolled out in dozens of others by the end of this year.

The new scanners are so efficient operators can 'see' the penis size of passengers.

The Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) says the pictures are not printed, stored or transmitted after they have been reviewed by security officers in a "private room."

First, this is not a joke.

Second, we have gone insane.

In the name of security, we are empowering government employees to ogle penis pictures to their heart's content.  Talk about employee benefits!

I suppose the Jeff Strykers and Dolly Partons among us will be quite pleased by the publicity; as for the rest of us, I'm not so sure.

The hi-tech machines take just seconds to scan plane passengers.

They are designed to replace the physical pat-downs that is currently widespread in airports.

A random selection of plane travelers in Washington, New York's Kennedy, Los Angeles and other key hubs will be shut in glass booths while a three-dimensional image is made of their body beneath their clothes.

The booths close around the passenger and emit "millimeter waves" that go through cloth to identify metal, plastics, ceramics, chemical materials and explosives, according to the TSA.

While it allows the security screeners to clearly see the passenger's sexual organs as well as other details of their bodies, the passenger's face is blurred, TSA said.

Theoretically, this means that when your nude photos are circulated on the Internet and then posted on my blog, your friends will not be able to clearly identify your face.

The authority introduced the body scanners in April in airports, first in the Phoenix, Arizona terminal.

The installations are continuing this month, with machines in place or planned for airports in Washington (Reagan National and Baltimore-Washington International), Dallas, Las Vegas, Albuquerque, Miami and Detroit.

Barry Steinhardt, director of the technology and liberty program at the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) said: "People have no idea how graphic the images are."

The ACLU said passengers expecting privacy underneath their clothing "should not be required to display highly personal details of their bodies such as evidence of mastectomies, colostomy appliances, penile implants, catheter tubes and the size of their breasts or genitals as a pre-requisite to boarding a plane".

The TSA insists that "Once the transportation security officer has viewed the image and resolved anomalies [code for whacking off?], the image is erased from the screen permanently. The officer is unable to print, export, store or transmit the image."

Apparently the TSA is unfamiliar with the handy Microsoft key board Prnt Scrn button or camera phones.

Lara Uselding, a TSA spokeswoman, said passengers were not obliged to accept the new machines.

"The passengers can choose between the body imaging and the pat-down," she said.

TSA foresees 30 of the machines installed across the country by the end of 2008. In Europe, Amsterdam's Schipol airport is already using the scanners.

Rumor has it that New York's famous Splash Bar will soon be installing the units at their main entrance and the scans will then be shown throughout the evening on HD monitors throughout the bar, dance area, lounges and toilets.

(I did not run this story just to post gratuitous photographs of three of my favorite penises. I swear on my affection for Blake, Stephen and Steve.)

Comments

[alex from Germany]

All the legal quests coming to my mind.

if you have a boner and smile towards the Camera, is that enough for sexual harassment?
What if you add "Fuck me" written with lipstick on your ass/chest/penis?
What if your wearing a metal dildo up your ass? will the officer have to check it?

[Alexander]

Only when people simply stop flying will this madness end. In other words, never.

What's next? Physical body cavity searches?

[MR Bill]

I've already heard "3 Gauge Prince Albert sets off Metal Detector stories".
Me, I'm an exhibitionist, so this is a reason to fly.

[Nigel]

You know, it's funny the TSA is betting against human's ingenuity when it comes to sex. Seriously, look at all the shit we have come up with just to have sex or get porn, those officers will find a way, be it by a cell phone camera or any other way.

[mike/]

if they have size queens manning the machines, no one will ever get on a plane! are size queens terrorist threats?

just asking...

[Sue]

I wonder what terrorist action made this nightmare a reality. Or are they just admitting that their pat-downs suck and they are missing too much junk? (I didn't intend any puns when I wrote that sentence.)