FINALLY WE HAVE PROOF!

It's been confirmed!  Gay marriage destroys heterosexual marriages.

South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford released an astonishing statement yesterday, blaming her husband’s affair on the declining moral values in America, specifically the rise of gay marriage.

“Of course I’m not saying that Mark is gay,” Sanford said, “but he may as well be. The moral decay in this country has claimed another victim and this time it was my family. Our marriage was perfect until these same sex marriage laws started passing around the country. Clearly the slow dissolution of the sanctity of marriage in America seeped into Mark’s psyche until he no longer felt compelled to abide by our vows.”

So there you go boys and girls, proof at least.  The philandering governor of South Carolina started fucking around with other women because Ellen married Portia.

Social conservatives were quick to show their support for the first lady’s statement.

“It’s finally happened,” said Rush Limbaugh, conservative radio personality and leading cause of brain cancer. “America, I’ve been warning you for years that gay marriage would destroy the American family and look… there they are, a husband, wife, and four children — destroyed. When is this going to stop America? When will the liberals be satisfied? When all the marriages break up? This wasn’t Mark Sanford’s fault, this was Ted Kennedy’s fault. Sanford didn’t cheapen the value of marriage, he was victimized by the cheapening of marriage.”

Governor Sanford himself did not comment on this theory but his office issued a statement actually saying “we’re not commenting on any of the first lady’s statements, but we like where she’s going with this.”

Remember when the devil made them do it? Now it's us.

Yup, the cheatin' guv himself is ready to claim that he was morally raped by public displays of gay marriage and then compelled by magical fairy dust to destroy his family.

Asked if this newly determined source of their marital problems would impact their chances of reconciliation, Mrs. Sanford was somewhat evasive. “In the end, he is the one who is going to hell and we’re going to have to work through that, but make no mistake, this whole affair can be traced back to the liberals in Washington. We may not be able to save our marriage, but it’s not too late for the rest of America. Say no to gay marriage — the marriage you save might be your own.”

I suppose these are examples of the "hearts" our President says he needs to change before he can grant equality to gay Americans.  Fuck you, Mr. Obama. If there is a god you will wake up tomorrow morning with an overwhelming need to suck cock.

As for Mrs. Sanford?  We're not supposed to speak ill of the brain dead.

Comments

[Billy]

Jackson died because of gay marriage too.

[Joel]

You do realize that site from which you quote is a parody site. Even so, it rather rings true.

[Andrew]

Trying to read this as if you were saying it to me... phew! Almost pissed myself.

[Scot]

So I can only assume she's in bed right now with her head between some woman's thighs.

[chamblee54]

I thought about doing a bit of research to see if this statement was from "Mrs. Sanford" or a parody. Then I realized that I really don't care.