THE ULTIMATE iPHONE APP

I've been on the iPhone with Apple discussing an idea I have for a new GPS app. 

This is my third attempt.

I can't seem to get very far with customer service and was even once accused of making a crank call and another time of being a pervert.  Customer service reps to the end, neither accuser hung up on me but rather asked me to hold for a supervisor.  Once I had a supervisor, I enthusiastically repitched my "invention". The supervisor did hang up.  So much for customer service.

My idea seems a logical and inevitable extension of the now rather routine GPS function.  Furthermore, my new GPS app would be to iPhones what the light bulb was to night.

My brilliant inspiration is elegant in its simplicity and obviousness.

Let me know what you think and perhaps you too can call Apple and demand that they pay me some heed.

Basically you program in your start point and your final destination; GPS does the rest.

The difference is in the nature of the geography.

Here's an example:

1.   Using your tongue, slowly circle around the neck for approximately 5 minutes while caressing the nipples with your finger tips.  Occasionally circle the ears, the mouth but always to return to the neck to be assured of staying on course.

2.  Now work your tongue down to the nipples, mixing fingers and tongue until both nipples are fully engorged and pointing with determination in a northerly direction.

3.  Now rise up into a fully erect position, squatting on your knees and then circle around so that you are sitting firmly with the traffic circle on the vehicle's mouth.  Rims should be freshly cleaned before commencing the voyage to ensure maximum mileage.

4.  Now take the vehicles nipples in your finger tips and mixing pleasure and pain and occasionally some finger nail, squeeze, pinch, twist and pull until the vehicle's joy stick is fully erect and has begun to engage in a committed stroking process moving north, south, north, south, north south as you increase the intensity of nipple contact.  It is essential to the safety of the driver that both nipples remain simultaneously engaged while sitting firmly in the seat.  You will know you are sitting in the correct position by the pressure and motion of the tongue that is now firmly working its way into your extremely clean rosebud.

5.  As the north-south-north-south motion continues you will know that the vehicle has reached its destination when you hear an unmistakable series of satisfied sighs, moans and gasps.  Furthermore upon reaching the final destination the vehicle will automatically discharge several million passengers.  On occasion, at the conclusion of this leg of the journey, the vehicle will flip the driver over, and suck the driver's exhaust pipe free of all fumes and fluids.

I've also been on the phone with the U.S. Patent Office.  They too keep hanging up.  Luddite bastards!

Comments

[Rex]

Not sure about the I-phone connection but you definitely pushed some of my buttons!

[Alfredo]

Are you off your meds? ;-)

[Alfredo]

Still...amusing!

[Dummy]

That was so hot that I think my phone just came on my car. ...I feel so left out.