THE GREAT WATER BOTTLE OF EQUALITY

You can't make this stuff up.

Apparently no one at HRC or GLAAD or the other corrupt bumbling fools running the gay advocacy movement (off a cliff) has noticed that they are central among those responsible for the most spectacular failure in the history of the American Civil Rights movement.

While we clearly have dramatically increased our visibility over these past 40 years since Stonewall, the legal maze that stands between gay America and equality is 10 or more times more complex and far-reaching than in the pre-Stonewall era.  Good work, HRC and The Task Force!

The gay advocacy industry's claims of victory and progress are truly bizarre.  And, ironically, the only real progress seemingly underway in the gay rights arena is being made by two heterosexual establishment lawyers who were summarily rejected by the gay rights industry.

On the day after the Massachusetts debacle when it should have been clear to even the most stupid of queers (like Joe Solmonese) that the gay rights movement was pretty much dead in the water, HRC decided to run a fire sale of sorts.

Oh, that darned HRC--always good for a laugh.

So late last week, I opened my email box to find this note from Ann Crowley, an HRC fund raiser:

"This morning I had to tell Joe and Cathy [Cathy Nelson, HRC vice president for development and membership] that we'd come up just short of our on-line goal of 2,010 new members in our all-important 2010 membership drive.  With right-wing groups more emboldened than ever, this is no time to hold anything back in our campaigns. So I asked Cathy if she'd let me extend our membership deadline by just one more day--and, since we haven't convinced you yet, to provide you with a special offer available only through this email.  Until midnight tonight ONLY, new members can join HRC for just $20.10--a $15 discount. We're even extending our offer of a FREE HRC water bottle for first-time members who join us today.  Richard, I hope you won't miss this rare opportunity."

Holy bargain, Batman!  For a mere $20.10 and a free pretty blue water bottle with an authentic HRC logo, I can help the gay advocacy movement pass gay rights bans in the remaining 9 states that have yet to do so?  Is this an offer I can resist?

And not one, but two personalized emails!

"Dear Richard,  join HRC TONIGHT before it's too late--get a free water bottle for first-time members.  Help defend equality in 2010.  With just hours left in our most important fund-raising drive of the year, we haven't heard from you yet. I'm hoping you've just been waiting for the right moment to join HRC and accept a sleek metal water bottle--our gift for first-time members  ONLY.  Last night, in a closely contested fight, Ted Kennedy's Senate seat was filled by an anti-equality candidate with the backing of the National Organization for Marriage. NOM used anti-gay rhetoric in thousands of "robo-calls" to turn out Massachusetts voters. And they're sure to roll out similar tactics in their efforts to dismantle the victories we've already secured on marriage in Washington, D.C., New Hampshire and more. We've got to fight back, and the final few hours in our campaign will be critical to providing the resources to do so. The response so far has been amazing--but we still haven't reached our goal of 2,010 new members by tonight. Will you be one of them? Join HRC before MIDNIGHT TONIGHT--tomorrow will be too late--to claim your water bottle, and your place at the front lines of equality. By responding right now, you'll ensure that our movement has the strength it needs to face the challenges of 2010 head-on. Yesterday's crucial election in Massachusetts was a chilling reminder of the kind of opposition we'll face this year. Republican candidate Scott Brown, who posed as a moderate, ran a campaign supported by the anti-LGBT National Organization for Marriage--which was mostly hidden until the final 36 hours of the race. Despite HRC PAC's financial contributions and fund-raising assistance, as well as the turnout of HRC's membership, pro-equality candidate Martha Coakley was defeated--and our work will be even harder this year as a result. And although we have had major victories this year (like enacting hate crimes, the first federal law ever to explicitly protect LGBT people) we face an emboldened right wing, and it’s clear that we must push harder if we’re going to compel Congress to action on equality in the workplace and the military. With the support of people like you, HRC has built up the largest and most effective pro-equality grassroots infrastructure in the country. Your gift right now can help us push past the right wing's lies and Congress' excuses. Join by MIDNIGHT tonight. Thank you for your steadfast support. With you by our side, we can turn the tide for equality in 2010."

Aha!  So that's the problem!  The need me on their side so that "we" can turn the tide for equality for 2010.  So it's my fault!  OMG, I feel terrible.   Terrible.  I'm the one standing between gay Americans and equality.  Apparently, If I send HRC  my 20 bucks and a dime and collect my blue water bottle, Congress will suddenly remember to add sexual orientation to the Civil Rights Act of 1964, repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and end Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

I admit, it's tempting.  I can almost hear a chorus of credit cards shouting from my wallet: Use me!  Use me!

But I'm also confused.  What's with this magic water bottle that they keep screaming about.  How many times did they go on about that water bottle?  Why?  Is there a genie inside the water bottle?  And who are these people sending me emails from beyond the grave?  It's kind of spooky in fact.

Christians--a savvy bunch--are celebrating the demise of the gay rights movement in the wake of the Massachusetts disaster and the new Supreme Court decision that will now allow the likes of Rupert Murdoch to pour billions of dollars into his anti-gay rights crusade.

Are the Christians wrong? Zombie HRC is pounding the e-mail, corporate coffers and rich gays pavement claiming that we need them now more than ever before.  But can Zombies beat Christians?

A cynic might argue that if you combined the forces of every homophobe in the Christian Republican Party they still wouldn't equal the gay rights toxicity of HRC and the rest of the queer nincompoop cabal.

A disgusted and outraged queer might even consider that the relentless failure of our gay rights advocacy establishment from HRC to GLAAD to the Task Force has been more lethal than the Ugandan legislature.

The Southern Baptist Convention is beside itself with joy over the death of the gay rights movement.

According to a Baptist News press release:

"When Massachusetts citizens stunned the political world by electing Republican Scott Brown Tuesday, they not only delivered a significant blow to the current health care bill but they also delivered a death blow to a host of causes and bills supported by homosexual and abortion rights groups."

"...Brown opposes "gay marriage" and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) and supports the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy and the federal Defense of Marriage Act."

Richard Land, president of the Southern Baptist Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, called Brown's victory "the biggest [political] upset I can think of in my lifetime," with the only possible exception, he said, being the GOP winning the House in 1994.  Every adjective in the book--"tsunami," "tidal wave," "earthquake"--could be used to describe Brown's win, Land said.

One could even say that Brown's victory is the jewel in the crown of the gay rights movement:  Years of hard work by HRC, GLAAD and The Task Force has finally paid off.  They put all of our eggs in the Obama basket and now that basket is floating out to sea on a anti-gay riptide.

All I can say at this point is that if HRC promises me that my free water bottle will contain Taylor Lautner's fresh piss, I might just send them my $20.10.  I'm kinky that way.  If they arrange a fresh home delivery of Mr. Lautner's fluids, I might even cough up $50.  Otherwise, sorry, I'd rather spend it on a couple of Belvedere Martinis that will help me forget that HRC ever existed--and God help us, still does.

Comments

[Rex]

Very wise not to join. Once you have your membership card the phone starts ringing and they fill your mailbox up with more demands for support. I guess they think harrassing us only makes us stronger. God knows they're not good at anything else!

[Alan down in Florida]

I got the same e-mail because I refuse to renew my membership in an organization that is more interest in throwing parties (like the one in Fort Lauderdale they sent me an e-mail about today) than in actually doing the work in the trenches that other, more deserving groups do.