Proceed at your own risk

FAIRY PENIS AND SWEDISH MEATBALLS

Every time I think I'm running low on discoveries of new possibilities of new gayness, I'm proven wrong.

We may have Miss America and American Idol, but imagine my delight when I stumbled upon the annual Sweden Water Fairy of the Year competition.

I'm almost at a loss for words.

Furthermore, this years ÅRETS NÄCK 2009 Swedish Water Fairy has created quite a stir throughout the Viking land of fish and meatballs.

Apparently traditional Swedish fairies fiddle, but this year's triumphant sprite sucks and blows.

Swedish fairy traditionalists are flabbergasted.

Yes, indeed.  A naked horn player has been named Sweden's Water Fairy of the Year.

 

Oh, yes.  Two things you need to know about Swedish water fairies: they are always men and they are always naked--with the exception of the occasional swatch of tree leaf.

The stunned Swedish media has reported that for the first time in the history of the festival, a saxophonist has claimed victory as the year’s best incarnation of a water fairy, a mythical creature from ancient Swedish folklore.  Naked violinists from the past 15 years of fairy fighting looked on with pouts and fluttering penises.

Martin Norberg, Årets Näck (‘Water Fairy of the Year’) and a mesmerizing horn player almost missed the competition altogether, however, making his victory all the more unexpected.

“He just showed up a couple of hours before the competition and asked if he was allowed to play a saxophone,” contest arranger Calle Hernmarck told reporters.

According to legend, a water fairy is a supernatural being that takes the form of a naked man playing the violin on the shores of Swedish lakes and streams. The creature’s captivating music supposedly holds magical powers which tempt people to into the water, causing them to drown.

Hernmarck explained that even though the violin is traditionally associated with the water fairy, there’s no reason that other instruments can’t be used as well. “The myth of the water fairy is really old and predates when the violin first came to Sweden in 1646,” he said.

“What matters for the competition, however, is bringing the spirit of the water fairy to life and we want to give participants the chance to do that no matter what instrument they choose.”

(I am bordering on a pun overload seizure as I write this.)

The 2009 competition, which was held in front of a crowd of more than 400 spectators, featured five participants, including the reigning Water Fairy of the Year, violinist Ross Campbell.

Braving the creek's icy waters, each musician did their best to convince the judges, that he best captured the water fairy’s spirit and musical mysticism.

According to the competition’s rules, participants are only allowed to cover themselves with items “which can be found in nature”.

“It takes a special type of person to be a water fairy,” said Hernmarck. “They have to be something of an actor so that they can play without thinking, ‘OK, now I’m naked.’ They also have to be good musicians.”

Following performances by the five competitors in this year’s competition, it was saxophonist Norberg who made the biggest impression on the judges.

“Just like the Water Fairy, he appeared in a guise we didn’t expect. He captivated and frightened, with his eyes and his enchanted saxophone, he seduced the jury,” wrote the jury in naming Norberg the winner.

“It feels great. I’m both surprised and happy” Norberg told Swedish TV4 following the competition. “It’s not really a water fairy instrument, but it appeared to hit the spot.”

 

PITY POOR SWEDEN

Sweden is under fire for refusing asylum to gay Iraqis.  Sweden is also one of this nation's closest and most robust economic, democratic and philosophical allies.

So imagine the sticky conundrum facing the Swedish government.  How do you officially save gay Iraqis without slapping Washington in the face, and hard?

An estimated 4,300 Americans have sacrificed their lives to build an American-style constitutional democracy in Iraq.  Sweden surely must support this newest and successful model of freedom and equality.  But successful models of freedom and equality do not engage in genocide or "social cleansing". 

Asylum is something granted to persecuted nationals of repressive regimes, dictatorships and totalitarianism, not progressive, Jeffersonian democracies.

A Swedish gay rights organization has called on the Swedish government not to deport any homosexual Iraqi asylum seekers in the light of a shocking new report categorizing an extermination campaign against gay men in the American colony.

According to a new report from Human Rights Watch (HRW) gay men in Iraq run a high risk of being tortured or murdered by Iraqi militias. The Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights (RFSL) has now called on the Swedish government to halt all deportations to Iraq of people who have sought asylum on the basis of sexual orientation or gender.

"We urge Sweden to investigate the possibility of evacuating homosexuals, bisexuals and transgender people who are at risk of being subjected to 'sexual cleansing'," says RFSL's chairperson Sören Juvas. 

Yup, Swedish gay rights advocates are even advocating that Sweden send in troops to actually evacuate Iraqi queers from an American-controlled democracy.

The HRW report, entitled "'They Want Us Exterminated': Murder, Torture, Sexual Orientation and Gender in Iraq,", details that Mahdi army militias are behind a campaign that began in the western Baghdad suburb of Sadr City and has now spread to cities across the country. "A wide-reaching campaign of extrajudicial executions, kidnappings, and torture of gay men...began in early 2009," the human rights group writes in a 67-page report published last week.

According to Amnesty International, cited by the Dagens Nyheter (DN) newspaper, 25 gay men have been murdered in Iraq so far this year. According to Swedish Migration Board (Migrationsverket) figures, around 300 people apply for asylum in Sweden each year on the grounds of their homosexuality. There are no official figures for how many are approved or denied but according to cases witnessed by RFSL's refugee administrator in Stockholm as many as a third may be refused.

According to the 2005 Swedish Aliens Act a refugee is classified as an "alien" who "feels a well-founded fear of persecution on grounds of race, nationality, religious or political belief, or on grounds of gender, sexual orientation...or because of his or her fear is unwilling, to avail himself or herself of the protection of that country."

"It is unreasonable to blow your own trumpet with a law that should give protection but in practice is not used. Then it would be better if the government were honest and says that it does not consider it an important issue," Sören Juvas at RFSL says.

But what Juvas ignores is the extremely uncomfortable fact that if Sweden starts granting asylum to gay Iraqis that would be tantamount to a foreign policy declaration that the United States "adventure" in Iraq has not only failed but has left in it's wake a regime as brutal and inhumane--if not more--than the regime thousands of Americans died to replace.  In fact, a Swedish acknowledgment of Iraqi "social cleansing" automatically portrays Baghdad as either not in control of it's own country (in direct contradiction to the official American position) or it implies that both Baghdad and the American occupational forces are complicit.

Pity the poor Swedes.  Pity all champions of democracy who must face the simple fact that the American adventure in Iraq has been a complete and utter failure.  Washington has replaced a secular military dictatorship with a brutal and violent theocracy, and this unchecked and growing epidemic wave of social cleansing shines a very bright spotlight on this very ugly and very uncomfortable truth.

THE BOYCOTT THAT ISN'T

Popular Arkansas-born composer and performer Ne-Yo spent last week in Jamaica for that island nation's annual Reggae Sumfest festival.

He was just one of several African American Obama-supporting musicians enabling one of the world's most dangerous spots for gay men and women.

Hilton, Holiday Inn and Sandals were just a few of the prominent hotel chains co-sponsoring this annual Jamaican music festival.

The very same distillers and distributors who peddle their vodkas, gins and beers through gay-focused advertising and media are still promoting the varied brands of fine Jamaican rum.

Most of the finest purveyors of gourmet coffees throughout the United States, including Starbucks, will happily brew you a smooth aromatic grande of authentic Jamaican Blue Mountain.

American, United, Air Canada, Jet Blue, Delta and Continental remain ready to fly your gay ass down to Montego Bay for a personal lynching, throat slashing or head bashing by the local police.

and just last week, the International Monetary Fund granted this human rights cesspool unconditional most favored nation status, granting Jamaica the right to borrow up to 600% of quota at a mere 1.31 percentage rate paid out over five years.

I've lost track of the number of gay advocacy groups and prominent gay bloggers (like Wayne Besen and Joe Solomonese) who have called for boycotts of Jamaica and then dropped the ball within days.

So how is it that a small island within shouting distance of South Beach, arguably the most violently homophobic nation in the Western world, a place where gays are daily slaughtered like cockroaches in the South Bronx can stand as a major US and European trading partner and leading tourist and honeymoon destination?

Just a few days ago, the Associated Pres ran a nightmarish piece on Jamaica.

"Even now, about three years after a near-fatal gay bashing, Sherman gets jittery at dusk," reports AP.

"On bad days, his blood quickens, his eyes dart, and he seeks refuge indoors.  A group of men kicked him and slashed him with knives for being a "batty boy" — a slang term for gay men — after he left a party before dawn in October 2006."

"They sliced his throat, torso, and back, hissed anti-gay epithets, and left him for dead on a Kingston corner."

""It gets like five, six o'clock, my heart begins to race. I just need to go home, I start to get nervous," said the 36-year-old outside the secret office of Jamaica's sole gay rights group. Like many other gays, Sherman won't give his full name for fear of retribution."

"Despite the easygoing image propagated by tourist boards, gays and their advocates agree that Jamaica is by far the most hostile island toward homosexuals in the already conservative Caribbean. They say gays, especially those in poor communities, suffer frequent abuse. But they have little recourse because of rampant anti-gay stigma and a sodomy law banning sex between men in Jamaica and 10 other former British colonies in the Caribbean."

"It is impossible to say just how common gay bashing attacks like the one against Sherman are in Jamaica — their tormentors are sometimes the police themselves. But many homosexuals in Jamaica say homophobia is pervasive across the sun-soaked island, from the pulpit to the floor of the Parliament."

"Hostility toward gays has reached such a level that four months ago, gay advocates in New York City launched a short-lived boycott against Jamaica at the site of the Stonewall Inn, where demonstrations launched the gay-rights movement in 1969."

"In its 2008 report, the U.S. State Department also notes that gays have faced death and arson threats, and are hesitant to report incidents against them because of fear. For gays, the reality of this enduring hostility is loneliness and fear, and sometimes even murder. Andrew, a 36-year-old volunteer for an AIDS education program, said he was driven from the island after his ex-lover was killed for being gay — which police said was just a robbery gone wrong. He moved to the U.K. for several years, but returned to Jamaica in 2008 for personal reasons he declined to disclose."

""I'm living in fear on a day-to-day basis," he said softly during a recent interview in Kingston. "In the community where my ex-lover was killed, people will say to me when I'm passing on the street, they will make remarks like 'boom-boom-boom' or 'batty boy fi dead.' I don't feel free walking on the streets."

Jamaican authorities insist that violence against gays is blown out of proportion by gay activists.   In fact, they say, as long as gays stay in the closet, they can live peacefully in Jamaica; they call this "a tropical version of Bill Clinton's "don't ask, don't tell".

Jamaica's most prominent evangelical pastor, Bishop Herro Blair shrugs off the violence claiming that it is gays killing gays.

"Among themselves, homosexuals are extremely jealous," said Blair during a recent interview."  All this violence, he says, is nothing but endless lover's quarrels and revenge killings by jilted homosexuals.

Other religious leaders say the violence is necessary to fight homosexual recruitment, accusing gays of "flaunting their behavior to "recruit" youngsters."

AP reports that Jamaica has one of the world's highest rates of prostate cancer because many Jamaican men refuse to get digital rectal examinations for prostate cancer believing it to be a ruse for homosexual recruitment.

Yes, really.  And this view is encouraged by the island's Christian leadership.

Yes, really.

Some months ago, the White House trumpeted its reversal of homophobic Bush policy and signed the United Nations Declaration calling for the global decriminalization of homosexuality, adding sexual orientation to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.  Secretary of State Clinton promised to campaign against the international persecution of gay men and women as part of the new U.S. Foreign Policy. 

So here we are just miles away from Jamaica, one of the most horrific and violent examples of international homophobia in the world--and Washington is silent, U.S. corporations are silent and, to be brutally honest, our own so-called community squawks occasionally, but then quickly moves on.

So why is there no boycott of Jamaica?  No sanctions?  No official protests from Washington?  Economics?  Fear of left wing influence from Venezuela?  Fear of Al Qaeda infiltration? 

In my view it is nothing more than indifference. After all, it's just a bunch of queers.  The Jamaican situation is dripping with the truth of homophobia in this nation, a homophobia that is as pervasive among Democrats as it is among Republicans.  The only difference between the two parties is that Republicans are honest about it while Democrats have learned the well constructed lies will garner gay votes.

MOROCCO CALLS IRANIANS A BUNCH OF FAGS

What's the best way to insult your fellow Muslim?  Call him a fag, I suppose.  I think it's even worse than calling him a Jew. Maybe?  Not sure.

The Moroccan government has lumped Iranians and homosexuals together as a combined threat to the security of the Moroccan nation--something that would upset me if not for the fact that it must be driving Ahmadinejad insane.

At least, I hope so. 

Allah Akbar!  (That's what Islamists shout right before they take it up the ass...or blow themselves up...I forget which.)

Morocco's Suni dominated government is cracking down on these two minorities--homosexuals and Shiites--they believe post a great and equal threat to the "sanctity, health and security" of the Moroccan state.

I see their point about fags; after all we washed away New Orleans, caused global warming and will soon have destroyed the traditional American family.

God, I'm exhausted!

This "romantic" and "exotic" North African country of Hollywood movie legend recently passed a whole new slew of censorship and "containment" laws designed to "narrow the scope of personal freedom for  Shia Muslims and gays.

First, Morocco ended diplomatic ties with Iran, stating that Iran was spreading Shia Islam within Morocco.  Morocco believes Iran to be a prominent state sponsor of terrorism and Islamism.  In fact, shortly after this move, Moroccan authorities went on to arrest several Moroccans for converting to Shia Islam.  An Iraqi school in Rabat was closed following parents’ complaints that the school promoted Shia Islam. Foreign Minister Taeib Fassi Fihri criticized Moroccan associations seeking to develop Shia Islam in the country, allegedly with Iranian support: “Morocco cannot accept that activities of this type be conducted, directly or indirectly, or via a so-called nongovernmental organization.” He called it an “attack on the foundations” of the country and on the “cement” of Malekite Islam, the form of Sunni Islam prevalent in Morocco.

In the same breath, the Moroccan Ministry of the Interior issued a statement: “Certain media are taking a stand for certain ignominious behaviors, which is a provocation for the national public opinion. Any act contrary to moral or religious values will be repressed.”

An anonymous ministry official told The New York Times that this was a reference to newspapers that had advocated greater tolerance for homosexuality.

A wave of police raids on bars, clubs and private homes followed rounding up men suspected of lisping, wincing and prancing.

Despite this warning, the Moroccan gay rights group “Kifkif” is planning a conference in Marrakesh. Member Samir Barkachi said: “In Morocco, even tolerant people don't like the idea of being involved with a gay association. Our Marrakesh meeting aims to change this pejorative attitude towards homosexuality. It's a small meeting but we aim to make ourselves heard. We're going to talk about sex—in Morocco there’s no sex education.”

Hmmm.  Sounds like Texas?

Kifkif will agitate against Paragraph 489 of the Moroccan Penal Code, which forbids gay sex: “It’s a dangerous law that was put in place during Colonialism. We’re demanding that it be revised. The law has no right to interfere with what people get up to in bed." Article 6 of the constitution of Morocco guarantees freedom of religion (while establishing Islam as the state religion); article 9 protects freedom of expression and association (while noting that such liberties may be limited by law).

I've already shot off an email to Ahmadinejad to see if he'd like to invade Morocco with me and a few of my friends. I'm sure he'll get back to me. I'm everything he loves in one great big pudgy bundle: Jewish, an atheist and an insatiable appetite for fresh Islamic dick.

SMILING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION

MINE ARE BIGGER THAN HIS? AREN'T THEY?

SANTA CLAUS MUST BE REAL

Should "democracy" extend beyond governance and determine cultural, scientific and medical standards?  A scary number of Americans believe that is true. 

What do I mean by this?  Simply put, should standards and practices in our society be determined by fact, knowledge, reason and courage or by prevailing opinion. belief, superstition and fear?

Clearly, casting reason aside, we've confused bigotry and religion and we've confused democracy and mob rule.

This very American phenomenon has become more the rule than the exception.  If enough Americans believe that dinosaurs and human co-existed than this should be taught as science in our public schools.  If enough Americans believe that gay men, women and children are an offense to some supernatural force imagined over 3,000 years ago by an oppressed and nomadic society, then homosexuals should be denied their constitutionally guaranteed civil and human rights.

Extremist hate monger and right wing pundit, Michael Savage subscribes to this theory.  Recently labeled a hate monger along with Russian white supremacists, Savage has been banned from Britain.

Savage is furious insisting that he is not in the same league as Russian white supremacists because he has more followers.  According to Savage, hate mongering is only hateful when it comes from a small number of people, but if enough people endorse "it", "it" becomes reasonable.

Sieg Heil!

According to Savage, his views on medicine, human rights and science are legitimized by the number of people who believe in him.  Facts and laws be damned.  Savage is legitimized by numbers of believers.

Savage is even taking this "principle" to court.  Now banned from entering Britain as a hate monger, Savage is suing the British government for defamation based on the notion that his followers are in such high numbers that his views are mainstream and legitimate and in no way hateful. If millions of people believe something than it is not hateful.  Can you just see the smile on Hitler's face--not that he ever smiled.

Earlier this month, the British government placed Michael Savage's name on an official list of "promoters of hate."  These are foreigners not allowed to enter the country in the interest of national security and stability.  Fred Phelps is also on this list.  The Brits may have tolerated McDonald's and Britney Spears, but the're drawing the line on Phelps and Savage.

Savage who hosts the widely popular right-wing talk show called The Savage Nation, described British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith as a "lunatic" and said he had set his lawyers to work on the case.

Smith published the list -- which includes Islamist extremists, American anti-gay preachers and Russian gang members--in early May, accusing those named of "stirring up hatred" and "fostering extremism or hatred."

"For this lunatic Jacqui Smith ... to link me up with skinheads who are killing people in Russia, to put me in league with mass murderers who kill Jews on buses, is defamation," Savage said on his show, excerpts of which were aired on BBC radio on Wednesday. "As a result of this, I am going to sue her."

Savage, who says he has between 8 and 10 million listeners across the United States, urged them to support him by canceling any travel plans to Britain and by boycotting British-made goods.

Of  course, it is unlikely the followers of Savage even own passports much less an understanding of where to even find a "Made in" label on a product.

"I don't know what they make there any more, but whatever they make, I suggest you don't buy it," he said. "If they want to play hardball, we'll play hardball."

Reports are already pouring in from Walmart that sales of Marmite are plummeting throughout the Bible Belt.

Savage was fired by MSNBC in 2003 after he referred to a caller on his show as a "sodomite" and said: "You should only get AIDS and die, you pig!."   Since then he's taken off the gloves and has been giving Reverend Phelps a run for his money on his nationally-syndicated radio program calling for death to fags, beaners and wetbacks.

According to American broadcast standards, you can't say "fuck" on the air but you can incite violence against minorities.

Smith defended her decision, saying Savage was a man of extreme views who expressed them "in such a way that it is actually likely to cause inter-community tension or even violence." "Coming to this country is a privilege," she told Good Morning Television. "If you can't live by the rules that we live by, the standards and the values that we live by, we should exclude you from this country."

Artur Ryno and Pavel Skachevsky, former leaders of a violent Russian skinhead gang which beat and murdered immigrants and gays, are also named on the list, along with the anti-gay U. S. Christian preacher Reverend Fred Phelps and his daughter Shirley Phelps-Roper.

It seems the British have figured out a way to mix civilized society and democracy.  Not so much on this side of the Atlantic.  And while Savage sees his "numbers" as validation, the British government see his numbers as proof of the danger he poses to democracy, freedom and minority and individual rights.

ITALIA

   

AROUND THE WORLD WEEKEND

ARGENTINA