Is it possible? Is Australia even more screwed up than America, or at least our 
equal? This story would have been believable coming from the Christian Heartless Land, but Australia? The land of Speedos and Budgy Smugglers?
The state of Western Australia plans to ban students from wearing denim because "the fabric is linked with having fun."
According to a new study out of Britain, the joke about grumpy and uptight men and women just needing a good fuck may be, like many cliches, profoundly true. Furthermore, the study demonstrated that it is only penetrative sex that provides stress relief and a broad range of psychological and physiological benefits.
The researchers monitored how various forms of sex affected blood pressure levels in a stressful situation. For a two week period, 24 women and 22 men kept diaries of how often they engaged in various forms of sex. Then they underwent a stress test involving public speaking and performing mental arithmetic out loud.
Volunteers who had penetrative intercourse were found to be the least stressed, and their blood pressure returned to normal faster than those who had engaged in other forms of sexual activity such as masturbation.
Those who abstained from any form of sexual activity at all had the highest blood pressure response to stress.
Although the test subjects were all heterosexual, one can assume that penetrative sex for men provides mental and physical health benefits regardless of what's being penetrated.
May we assume that such research will eventually lead to reimbursement for prostitution as a legitimate medical therapy?
Assuming Osama Bin Laden remains alive, this will surely kill him.
Wafah Dufour Bin Laden, the niece of the 21st Century's most infamous villain (so far) has posed for Islamically very inappropriate photos for GQ Magazine. With a master's degree in law from Columbia University one has to assume that Ms. Bin Laden is not an idiot but she clearly shares the family tendency towards insanity. 
She tells the press that she stripped for GQ in order to "distance herself" from the infamous family and her evil uncle.
Call me stupid, but it seems to me that she's accomplished just the opposite. No one had ever heard of her before and she lived in relative privacy. Now she's not only Osama Bin Laden's "favorite" niece, she's made herself the second most famous Bin Laden in the world, a Bin Laden who is easy to find, and a Bin Laden who has 
humiliated her uncle (who is not the nicest guy in the world), and dishonored the family name before the entire world. Last I heard Muslims, especially fundamentalists, don't take kindly to that sort of thing.
This crazy bitch is an aspiring musician living in New York City, so I'm assuming this ridiculous publicity stunt is intended to jump start her career...and make it easier for her uncle's assassins to find her?
Stay away from our urinals! The last place left to men; our remaining private club. The troughs, the walls of back alleys, the sides of parked cars, the little knothole in the middle of the tree, the snowdrift just screaming for our name in yellow. Stay away you pushy bitches!
I blame this on the dikes. Aren't strap-ons enough? Leave us something!
Not one, but two companies have invented gross disgusting stinky devices that a woman can conveniently schlep around in her already over-burdened handbag that allows her to piss standing up. No. No. No. No. No.
It's bad enough when I find myself aroused by some very handsome and masculine bull dike until she turns around and I realize it's a woman. I shudder. I need extra therapy. Yuck.
It is simply NOT acceptable to be standing at a urinal checking out the guy's hoo-haw just next to you and discovering that its a plastic tube attached to a broad? No. No. No. No. No.
I'm OK with some limits. And this should be one.
One of the devices was invented by some stupid Dutch bitch named Moon Zip who can be seen 
here pissing on national TV in order to promote her Satanic device. Moon Zip's "P-Mate" is a disposable (one would hope) paper device which enables women to urinate easily while standing up. Apparently, the P-Mate has been in usage throughout Europe for almost four years and is marketed as a convenient, hygienic, portable, leak proof, discreet solution to the traditional female limitation.
A newer device for the more frugal woman is THE WHIZBIZ. This nasty innovation comes from the Brits. Essentially the same thing as the P-Mate except that instead of being a disposable paper-based device, The Whizbiz is reusable and made of an elastomer thermoplastic that is flexible and soft. This enables you to scrunch or roll it up and store it in a bag or purse, then it springs back to shape, once you want to use it--pretty much like my penis except I keep it in my shorts and not in my purse (and I'd like to think that my penis smells somewhat better rolled up in my crotch than a plastic tube full of dried urine stuffed in my purse.)
Many of us were raised to believe that masturbation is wrong. Some of us were actually told it is sinful. So we do it behind closed doors, under cover of dark and mostly when no one else is looking.
Sometimes we park our car on the side of the highway and hike deep into a Mississippi swamp until we find a large tree and then we strip off our clothes standing fully naked in the hot steamy swamp, leaning against the huge hard Willow, the noon day sun poking through the Spanish Moss licking at our naked flesh, visions of half naked rednecks prowling around in our heads while we...oh, wait....was that just me? Oh. Nevermind.
Anyhow, feel shame no more!. Wanking has just been elevated to the noble status of an anti war statement. Always on the prowl for new techiques, I stumbled on MASTURBATE FOR PEACE. The next time you noodle your kanoodle, yank your wank or diddle your fiddle, you can enjoy the additional pleasure of knowing that you've just done your thing for peace! What could be more noble than that?
A public library in Almelo, Holland is lending out people, as well as books, in a new initiative aimed at challenging stereotypes. If you have a library card, you can borrow gay people, gypsies and Muslims for an hour and talk to them about their lives.
Jan Krol, director of the new Almelo library, said one of his assistants came up with the idea. "It's a good way to challenge stereotypes," explained Krol. "Clients can borrow a Muslim woman in a head scarf and ask her the questions they wouldn't dare ask if they met on the street."
The library has already added ten people from different backgrounds to their growing collection; people who are willing to have a chat with library visitors in a pub near the library.
I'm mostly going to resist the endless jokes one could make about this, mostly because I think it's a brilliant idea.
Recent Comments